The Kraken: The Simulation Application for Nautical Maneuvering
The Makers of The Kraken Black Spiced Rum generously share with you this NEAR ACCURATE SIMULATION, so that you may experience the perils they first encountered in bringing this fine product to the world.
IMPORTANT
You Must be Aged 21 Years, or Greater, to download this Application. Age Verification will be Performed before the Application can Commence. Or You will be Duly Dismissed.
Utilizing StateoftheArt 19th Century Technology, You Must Attempt to Successfully Deliver a Shipment of Black Spiced Rum across the Darkest of All the Seas. Or Be Swallowed Whole By the Beast of Myth and Legend, the Mighty Kraken.
Harnessing the Natural Aquatic Properties of your Handheld Apparatus, Navigate your Ship through an Array of Hazards, being Careful not to be Waylaid by One, as the Mighty Kraken will not Twice Ponder your Permanent Removal from the Map By Means of Devouring. Please Note: Do Not Submerge your Apparatus In Actual water
Features:
Instructions Given By Prof. Thornton Cumberbatch, Undersea Oddity Specialist.
Spectacular Accelerometersensitive Ship Maneuverability.
Multiple Uncannily Realistic Hazards Brace Yourself Accordingly.
Three Remarkably TruetoLegend Kraken Perish Scenarios.
FallOffTheEdgeofEarth Accuracy
Actual Distress Cries of Fallen Seamen
Handetched Art, Etched by Real Hands.
Success Rewards Participant with Simulated Glass of Black Spiced Rum.
Original musical Composition by, Master of Orchestras, Christopher Hicken.
Animation created by Madam Ariane Irle.
In The Event of An Actual Kraken Encounter Your HandHeld Device May be Thrust at Beast.
All Depictions of the Kraken Based on images As Seen Through the Eyes of the Imagination. AndOr Hearsay. AndOr Most Reliable Accounts and Descriptions of It.
Due to its references to alcoholic content Apple classifies this app as 17. However, since the application is sponsored by Proximo Spirits, Inc., by downloading it you state you are over the age of 21.
The Kraken Black Spiced Rum. 47 AlcVol. 94 proof. 2010 Kraken Rum Co., Jersey City, NJ. Like the deepest sea, the Kraken should be treated with great respect and responsibility.